What does the NEW YEAR look like for you?

If one would look at my recent "pins" on Pinterest, like in the last 4 days-you would think, WHOA-that girl has some big plans for herself.  Yeah. I do.

Does that mean that every goal that I "imagining" in my head is going to click? Does it mean I am going to nail every single one? Dear Lord, if I can just accomplish small goals throughout the day, I will be grateful!

You see, but this morning in church our Pastor caught my attention during quite a bit of the sermon.  Not that I don't normally LISTEN, I most always LISTEN and I hear a lot of things, BUT this morning it really clicked and got me intrigued even more so and I was really digesting it all.  Here are 3 things that I took, and what I took from it.....

1.  The start of a NEW year means that you can START OVER, it's a fresh start, a fresh new year. And ya know what, YES. Yes we can, and it is so true.  Whatever happened in the past, it's GONE.  You cannot live there.  You cannot go back.  You cannot change it.  What you do from THIS point forward is what matters.  It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, what you think-you need to let it all go, God isn't judging you, he's forgiving you, it's time to let it all go and do what matters now!
    
I have a hard time with this.  I am the QUEEN of second guessing.  For not letting it go.  For l living in the past.  This is going to be a HUGE goal of mine.  To let it all go, but in a way that I am at peace.  To find peace in what has happened in our life.  For what choices were made.....If I continue to live in the past, think about all I am missing out on everyday with our friends and family.

2.  LIVE for TODAY.  Don't worry about tomorrow.  He's already got that covered.  He's got the next month covered for you, whatever comes your way.  He's preparing you today, for what is ahead tomorrow.  Because, in 2015 there probably will be some sort of heartache and trials.  HE will give you strength to get through them.

Think about all the goodness that is missed in a day, when you are constantly worrying about tomorrow....I hope that in my goal of digging into daily scripture this will help rid myself of fears and anxiety in my life.  I have to give it up to God and just know.  My best friend gave me a sign of one of my favorites "It Is Well With My Soul" ....I have to be at peace to LIVE throughout the day. I am going to TRY my hardest to dig in and learn deeper what the word is saying to me.  In our 12 years of marriage, there were times where I honestly didn't know if I could go on.  We were faced with some pretty scary stuff, and we both knew-it could tear us apart or it could make us grow and build up from it....I thank GOD for the strength he's given us, he's NEVER left our side.  It really all makes sense to me right now....even if at that time, it seemed like life would never be the same....

3.  There was a point in the sermon where he went through the decades of the life you were in.  20's, 30's, 40's and how we feel at each point of those. 

Basically when he got to 40 it gave me a dim outlook on what I was going to "feel" like if I didn't start changing the way I was living in my 30's.  Not necessarily in a spiritual way, but just in general.  Think about how long it takes you to feel good and healthy about yourselves if you really never had, if you neglected your diet, your health habits, etc.   So, think about neglecting your soul until you get to the age of 40 and then really trying to find yourself once you get there! I will have wish that I started at 30.  You're always going to wish you started sooner than what you had.  At this point, I have always been a Christian. I like to think of myself as a "good Christian girl", and I really do believe that I am.  But I KNOW that I could have been doing more.  And I want to be more, and do more for myself-my husband and my kids!

So, at this rate when I look at my Pinterest Board-one would say "Let's get real, this girl is setting herself up for disaster".....I MAY, I really MAY BE setting myself up for disaster, however-how will I know unless I try.  I have to give myself something to better myself for, I KNOW I am imperfect in a big way, and I know that God puts us in situations to prepare us for our own lives and what is ahead.  I also firmly believe and have lived that we go through things to help others go through what we went through.....

Whether you are wanting to be "skinner, healthier, more successful, stronger, faithful, holier" or WHATEVER you are wanting to be in 2015, the point of the matter is the new year is a blank canvas, for YOU to start over on.  Don't worry about what anyone else is saying. Don't worry about what the voice in your head is saying to you.  YOU do what YOU need to do for YOU! Last year I finally started caring about ME and giving myself goals.  It's made me happier, healthier and I know that it might not be everyday that I am a better wife and mommy and friend, but it sure has made a world of difference! When you're HAPPY with yourself, you can be HAPPY in life!

Here's to a successful {however that looks to you} 2015!

The Circle of Life {It's No Joke}

I'm not sure if it's coincidence that these 2 follow each other within the calendar year, However I think it's crazy, either way.  Either way something in me feels the need to speak up and talk of BOTH of these.  I have experienced both.  I have gone through the struggle of loss, and then the struggle of adoption and the JOY of adoption.  The PURE JOY in which our family was built.  Now, I would hate to say that the "reason" we adopted is because we had no other choice.  And I WON'T say that, because in reality that was not the issue.  I could have chosen to continue to fight with the higher power, and continue to put my body through pure H*!!....because that's what it was.  It was a learning experience, it was an emotional time, and looking back the way it made me act and feel is NOT something that i was ready to sign up for again.  Now, I am not saying that I think that everyone should skip over the whole IVF process and jump into adoption, because hey-we gave it a shot.  No pun intended......

We suffered 3 ectopic(tubal) pregnancies -and one of which that left me passed out in an emergency room of the hospital bathroom, and my husband walked into me being unresponsive to the dr's for a moment, next followed by emergency surgery that left me with only one tube.  At that point, i was told to move onto IVF as that would by-pass the tube, we were excellent candidates for that.  We did. We moved on to IVF.  I'm going to make it sound like a "simple" process as I am going through the timeline, however there was nothing simple about this.  However, anything worth having does not come easy-right? We were going to do what we could to get that first baby!  We started the medications, during that time I became over-stimulated and spent most of the time feeling (and looking) like I was already 8 months pregnant, the medications made me an emotional wreck, I was crazy, and I was exhausted with it all.  It was an exciting time, I was poking myself daily with medications, it was all in all just exhausting time.  When it came time to do that egg retrieval, the Dr was amazed at how many eggs I produced, I remember feeling that procedure-it hurt. I couldn't speak, but i remember tears rolling down my cheek, and it hurt. Ryan felt pretty helpless, but hey this is what we had to do right?  WE were onto the next step.  Skip ahead, come to find out we had something along the lines of 22 pretty good looking embryos .....22!?!?! Ok, well let's start off with transferring 2 at first.  After all, at that point the chance of both of them making it, were pretty good, because they looked pretty good, however it wasn't guaranteed, nothing is.  SKIP ahead to after the transfer, more dr appointments , more ultra sounds-HOWEVER, we were finally pregnant with a itty bitty baby in the RIGHT SPOT!  Right where it needed to be, more dr appts to follow up with blood-work, more poking and prodding, and the 6 week u/s at the IVF center before "graduating" to my normal OB....all looked good and our Dr. told me my % of a miscarriage at this point was very low.  CONGRATULATIONS, you get to move onto your regular Dr.  

I had an u/s at 9 weeks 2 days at my regular OB, all looked good-I was worrying for nothing, and I could finally ENJOY a normal pregnancy.  I went in for my 12 week "normal" regular routine appt and they checked the h/b but it was hard to detect, but that can be common, so lets get  me in for an u/s and check things out.....I headed into the room with the u/s tech, she performed the u/s and nothing-she said nothing, she stared at the screen, pretty cold and it didn't take me long to figure out:  no heartbeat......I had miscarried, guess what? It showed that growth stopped at 9 weeks 3 days.  1 single day after my previous ultrasound.  I have no words for this moment. The anger, I felt cheated......I KNEW at this moment ADOPTION was meant for us.  That's why I will never say that adoption was a second choice for us.  Growing up i talked of adoption and how "cool" i thought it would be.  When I started dating Ryan, I talked often of adoption so it was definitely on our radar....we just had to come to an agreement on it, and  come to the right "timing".....well, what better time than now?! 2 hrs after I got home from this appt i had a living room full of family and friends laying with me, talking to me, with their listening ears.  It's almost as if it went from the most somber moment, to something that actually gave us HOPE.  Some questioned this, were we rushing it?  Did we give this 4th loss enough time to sink in? We were actually turned away from one agency, bc they thought I needed a counseling session first. I will not speak on my feelings of that at this point either.....I am moving onto the the next stage of our life, if that agency wasn't going to help us we'd find one that would!  And we also knew that we had to do what we felt was right for US, not anyone else.  Praise the Lord the big man upstairs agreed!

So, fast forward to where we are today....we have a BEAUTIFUL family formed through adoption.  And I don't always love to say that we are an "adoptive family" because, in a way we want to just be a "normal" family, but I guess that's just it-to us we are a very.normal.family-I cannot imagine it any other way, nor do we want it any other way....RB and Ez are the BEST things that have ever happened to us, and for many people.  We have been told more than once how they have changed people, how we have inspired people, how they have inspired people-well that is great and all, but that's just icing on the cake in my world.  They are MY world.  They are such blessings.  And we thank God for them every.single.day!  

But that's not where my story ends...what happened to those 19 frozen embryos that we had at our IVF clinic? We gave them up for adoption.  When you're "done" there, they ask what you would like to do with them.  How could we NOT choose adoption.  (PLUS, the other options were not a choice for us) and now,I kinda' feel like we've come FULL CIRCLE.  So anyway you slice it-I LOVE ADOPTION.  However you get there, However you choose, I LOVE ADOPTION and I'll shout it from the rooftop, our life is SO much different because of it.  For that we are THANKFUL!

{And God Bless our babies that have gone before us, who are waiting, and one day we will meet again}

{BLESSINGS}

Meggs

The start of another School Year.....and {TRUST}

And with another school year the begins, brings new changes, new adventures and new worries and thoughts about the future.  RB is in first grade, and E is off to her first (and only) year of preschool before entering into ALL day Kindergarten next year.  After sulking, and pondering the thoughts of how time flies, I realized that this is the last year that I have one of my little buddies home with me during the day.  I do however LOVE that every morning Ez and I walk to the bus stop with RB, with my coffee and we all start the day together with a lil' stroll (thank God for this awesome weather in the mitten lately)

But then it brings me to my next thought-does that mean the chapter of growing our family is over, and we're onto new adventures, does it mean me finding a "real" job that will take me out of the house next year, does that mean I pray hard about the "next" chapter and let God tell me what's next, THAT is what I struggle with.  I struggle with learning to trust, and learning to let someone else take control.  I should know by now that MY plan is far less than anything he has planned for myself or my family, and learning to TRUST is what we all need in our lives. All day I have to learn to trust.  Trusting that as our son gets on that school bus in the morning that he is SAFE and once he gets to school to TRUST that he makes good choices, when I drop Ezra off at the front door of preschool, learning to TRUST that she will use her voice and speak up and open up a little bit, TRUST that she's going to use the bathroom at school, TRUST that my children are good kids and TRUST that our jobs continue to go well - TRUST that I can be the best mom and wife that I can be on a daily basis, to TRUST that the health of all of my family and friends remains good, however-in some way shape or form, ALL of this has been tested for me.  I don't always make the best choices, but I like to think I give it my all.  Sometimes life gets the best of me, and sometimes we all fail.  All of us will, but if we don't keep the TRUST in our big big God, every.single.day LIFE will get the best of us! 

Yesterday, as it usually happens, the sermon at church was perfect.  "What are we going to do while we WAIT?"  While we are waiting for God, what do we want to do with our life? We get ONE chance here on earth to make a difference, to make it amazing-everyday will not be perfect, but I'll say it again-we can find something perfect in everyday.  Even if it's JUST ONE SMALL THING.....maybe today, that one perfect thing will simply be that we got up this morning-because after all, that's not a guarantee for everyday! Set a goal, cross something off your bucket list.  Life is way too short not to Trust.  It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.  Take JOY in today....

{Now, if I can just listen to my own advice}

((HUGS))

-Meggan

Six years {6!!!!} with Rylee B!

I've said it a million times, and I will say it a million more-I CAN'T believe how time flies!

Six years ago this was happening

We remember that day so perfectly.  I maybe forgot the BIG suitcase full of donations from all of our family and friends, I flew out the door and I was ready to go get our baby BOY!

So many emotions, but through it all there was this CALMING feeling that came over me.  At that very moment I KNEW that God had us in the palm of his hands all along.  He knew the plan for us, and what he would need from us, and what he would bless us with.  I am a firm believer that even through all of the hurt, and the sadness, and the brokenness that goes on in adoption, I KNOW that even though all of that has to happen, the end result is what matters.  When i met Rylee's birth mother, she told me that she knew that God chose us for him.  And that we were a good, christian family that he CHOSE for her son.  Thank you for trusting us Lord, for loving us and allowing us to be his FOREVER FAMILY!  We may not be perfect everyday, but we try to find SOMETHING perfect in everyday!

And today, we are complete. (so we think) 

But God, that man-he does funny things, so you just never know what he might throw in the mix!

Love and Blessings to you all.  

Meggs

Advocare 24 Day Challenge

Yup.  I made the crazy decision that in the middle of SUMMER, to throw in a 24 days challenge! And guess what I found a few of my crazy friends to do it with me!

A super fabulous person first introduced Advocare to me, just by posting on Facebook about this SPARK stuff (which, let's get real is like-THE best thing ever)-i didn't pay much attention to it, because to be honest-I wasn't about any "fad" diets, and pills, and crazy "boot-camp" type challenge.  THEN one night, i had to make a late night drive to the airport, and my girlfriend brought my a random sample of SPARK, I didn't even know she was into it herself! WHAT a blessing THAT was! I even spilled half of it on the floor, continued to sweep that lil' miracle dust up with my hands and added it to my water, i didn't even know if i liked it yet, but something was telling me NOT to waste all that goodness! I shook it up, drank it down and I was on the road-SUCCESS!

Long story short, it was something I continued to hear about, and then I was with a friend at a vendor event, and she was telling me a little more about it, and she told her HER success story-She looked fabulous all the time, I didn't think she had any inches to lose-BUT she lost inches, I HAD to give this a shot right?!

Yeah, fast forward a few weeks, I took the plunge! I JUST finished day 1 of the next 23 BRUTAL days of summer, what a way to END Summer Break right?! :-) I have bdays to celebrate, a wedding, vacation and a baseball game in there to attend, if I stick with this, I will IMPRESS MYSELF!  I think if I am putting it out here for you to read, I have no choice but to stick with it!  Who wants to come back on here in 23 days to find out I GAINED weight?! NOT ME!!!!

Stay tuned with updates and results.....

This all falls under our "journey" right?!

~Meggs

What makes me TICK......

So, y'all (yes, having spent a lot of time with friends from the south, i sure do LOVE speaking as if I live there) this blog is about to become a lot more of US.  A lot more of "just" family happenings.....it's about to become anything and everything I want a platform for.  Anywhere that I can talk about my passions, our kids, my family, our life, current events, and more! It's about to be a blog on WHAT and WHO move me! It may get really exciting, and allow for some more followers to jump on board all the nonsense I have to talk about-who knows, maybe we'll even have some give-aways, guest bloggers, and anything else that comes to mind!

So, lately I have felt ALL over the PLACE.  No joke.  Here's my list of things that instantly jump into my mind as my feet hit the floor each morning......

^ Wonder how many lbs I lost over night while I was sleeping, should I weigh in now, should I weigh in later, how long should I be up before I check, and so on with THAT.

^ Who can i SHARE my passions with today, WHO would be so full of life and good at what I do, WHO wants to change the world with me, WHO can I share the opportunities in my life with that I have been given.

2014 National Conference, Thirty One

Noonday Collection

^Am I contributing enough to my family, am I being the best mom that I can be to my kids, am I being the best wife that I can be to Ryan, am I being a good friend, and so on with THAT (it doesn't stop, trust me)

^How can I pray each day that people "get" it.  That people can be moved to support Awake and Alive and child sponsorship, and mission work, and adoption-how can I make sure that each day, at least ONE person is touched by my heart and passion for those without?

Everyday I have such high expectations of myself.  There are MANY days I fail.  I just hope that I don't fail in every one of my passions and goals every day.  You're going to hit low points, BUT when the high is really high, it is THE MOST amazing feeling in the world.  I will touch on all of these things in the coming posts, and more in depth as I feel led.

PLEASE follow a long in our crazy lil' life, a life where we have overcome A LOT to get where we are today. Stronger and with life values we had NO idea about before in ourselves, our marriage and our family! Happy Monday y'all!

~Meggs

{Whoa} Ezra turned 4 and Rylee B graduated!

AND i haven't been great at keeping up with our family blog!

Rylee will be in first grade, and Ezra turned 4! THAT'S what has been going on with the {A} family!

In all seriousness, I am sad that it's gone 6 months and I haven't written! It was my goal to make this a great lil' keepsake for all of lifes happenings-clearly we'll just store the last few months in our head, and try to summarize!

Rylee passed Kindergarten-with flying colors! WELL, almost flying colors-there were a few days in there that I didn't know if we'd be allowed back in school or not, but soon we figured that out and next thing I know, he's graduating with high honors from his first major year in school! It's amazing what they learn in their first year, that's for sure! We ADORED his teacher, and felt very lucky to have him in her classroom! He's a lil' smarty-pants, and I am doing all that I can this summer while on break to make sure he doesn't lose anything he was able to learn!

We've had a busy summer already-but before that we took a vacation for Spring Break to California to see Uncle Jake! We also got to see the McCoy family, Shands, Lisa, Zaela and Amari-they made the trip to Disneyland for a day with us! I can honestly say, we are not "that" Disney family.  We absolutely loved it, and to see the kiddos faces with each character that laid their eyes on them was priceless-but it's not something we see us wanting to do every year (nor could we afford to do that).....

Also, while we were there the talented Alyssa Tembrina took pictures for us on the Beach in Santa Moncia!! Love her friendship and talent!

Ezra turned 4 and LISTEN UP-She couldn't wait for her PINK PARTY, AND she didn't cry! (Well, the pinata situation and Dora losing her head, caused for a mild meltdown, it was short lived) and she had a GREAT party! The next day she had some neighborhood friends over for a princess lunch, and had a blast-with a weekend visit from The Shrocks! WHAT A FUN, CRAZY weekend! (pics to come on that) and for the 4th of July, we just got back from a few nights with friends in West Lafayette! If you've never been, don't bother :) JUST KIDDING! It was our 3rd time there, but let's get real if the Haids didnt live there, it's not a place I would say you HAVE to go to-but it's the friends that make the place worth going, right!?  We've had a fun, busy summer so far, but that's how it goes in the mitten! We get 4 warm months out of the year, we have to pack it all in when we can!

I also ran my FIRST half-marathon a few weeks ago! Yeah, I know-i didn't think i would ever, or could ever do it either! It happened, and I actually had a great time! I'll document more on that later as well....Hope everyone is enjoying their summer! Until next time!